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Title: Teach your language to me
Rated: PG-13
Warning: Not really?
Pairing: Ohno/Sho
Prompt: English lesson
Summary: Me love you long time. Or something. Just take your damn pants off.

Teach your language to me

Ohno tries. He really, really tries. Once he realizes that he's got 'special feelings' for Sho, he does his best to let Sho know. He sends him texts, he buys him souvenirs from everyday places, he brings him fish. Nothing seems to be working and he needs to talk to somebody about it before he explodes and dies. Obviously, his mama is out of the question because that's just embarrassing. He could talk to Machi or Matsu-ni or somebody but…well. It's Sho; his best bet is to ask Arashi.

He debates talking to Jun about it but decides that Jun-kun probably would rather deafen himself with a pencil to the eardrum than listen to Ohno's problems with his love life. Actually, he doesn't decide this on his own—he goes to Jun and Jun tells him that this is what he will do if Ohno says even one more word about it.

Even though he'd kind of like to talk to Nino about it he can't. Nino…well, Nino is funny about this sort of thing. While he fully supports Ohno getting out there and having sex and getting married (or as close to as he can come), he doesn't like to hear about it and he's been known to seek out Ohno's love, follow him or her around, and give that person a steely-eyed glare for hours at a time. No amount of explaining that he and Nino are soulmates ever fixes this.

So though Aiba is his last choice, he's actually the best choice. Ohno calls him over, plies him with beer, and tells him. "I'm in love with Sho-kun and he doesn't seem to know," he says.

Aiba drinks beer thoughtfully for a moment. "It's kind of rude to say this about Sho-chan, because he's so smart, but he's really…Leader, he's really dumb."

"I know," Ohno says in despair. He perfectly understands what Aiba means to say here and he gets exactly what he means. "But..."

"You're going to have to tell him," is Aiba's advice.

"Straight out?" Ohno can't imagine anything more humiliating than a confession to Sho. And Ohno has spent years working on programs that featured on late-night television.

"No," Aiba nods. Then shakes his head. "Yes. You don't want to startle him. So, um…somehow you have to find a way to make him think of it so that you can talk about it indirectly."

They can't think of anything that might actually happen or work so Ohno brings out more beer and then a bottle of whiskey and by the end of the night they have a solid, workable plan.

"Really?" Sho seems surprised and pleased.

Ohno finds this a good sign. He nods. "Yes! Please teach me English."

"All right," Sho agrees. He still seems happy about this. Ohno would go so far as to say excited.

This is working, he thinks.

Except it isn't. Ohno spends three straight weeks learning greetings, directions, and what Sho calls 'the basics' like 'where is the bathroom' and 'how do I use this' and Ohno's own favorite 'help me, I am lost'. None of this is going to get him and Sho closer to being closer.

"Satoshi," Sho says one day, sounding very, very frustrated. Ohno is not a very good student. "Do you even want to learn English?" Ohno is actually a really lousy student.

Not really Ohno thinks. But he says, "I do! I'll work harder!"

Still, Sho rubs a hand over his face. "Okay, okay," he sighs. It's not the kind of sound Ohno wants to hear from him, really, it's not a happy sigh at all. But then Sho says the magic words. "Tell me what you want to learn and I'll teach you that?"

"Teach me fucking words!"

An hour later a visibly grumpy Jun is driving him home, shooting him dirty looks as Ohno looks mostly at his own hands and sneaks glances at his angry driver as they go along. "Sorry," he mumbles after a while.

Jun lets out a long, long breath that sounds terribly put-upon. "Just don't piss off Sho like that again, okay? Because you know I'm going to hear all about whatever you did and you know I don't want to."

Ohno nods. He's not sure why Sho stormed out but he doesn't want to do that ever again.

Sho is there at their next lesson, however. He looks very composed. Ohno is hopeful until Sho points at a plate and says something English. Ohno can only assume it's the word for plate. Or dinner. It's not about being in love and it's not going to lead there, either.

He slumps into his chair and puts his chin in his hand, mumbling something that is close to what Sho said.

It makes Sho pinch the bridge of his nose. It's very newscaster-like and cute. Ohno loves him and he just wants Sho to know it. "Get out," he says in English, hoping this is right "with me alone. Thank you?"

For a moment Sho stares at him and then he opens his phone. "Nino?" he says. "What the hell is going on?"

Ohno can't hear Nino's response but Sho hangs up a moment later and points to the glass of water on the table and says something in English. Ohno slumps a little more and does less than his best to repeat it.

Two hours later, when Ohno just wants to go home and stop talking forever, Sho's pocket rings. "Nino?" he says. A moment later he hands Ohno the phone.

"Nino?" he says. He can hear Aiba in the background demanding to know how things are going.

"Look, Oh-chan, I talked to Jun and then I sat on Masaki until he told me what was going on. It's a dumb plan and I'm pretty sure you insultingly propositioned Sho at least once. Am I right?"

"Yes," Ohno says in English, giving Sho a betrayed look. He didn't want to talk to Nino about this. Nino will be bossy. "Close up," he says, again in English, hoping to make him stop talking.

Nino smirks at him through the phone. "Cute, but I don't understand and I don't care to. Shut up and listen: Have you told Sho that you love him?"

"I'm trying!" Ohno says aggrievedly. He turns away from Sho and mutters quietly, "I tried with the fucking words."

"Very good," Nino praises him. It's sarcastic. "Now use fucking words and tell him. If you don't tell him he'll never go out with you. He probably thinks you just want into his pants."

"I don't want to!" Ohno says. A confession. Oh, god, no. Nino is the only person he knows who thinks the guy should confess first.

"Fine, then you'll never be with Sho," Nino says blithely. Aiba is making muffled yelps in the background, obviously still being sat on.

Ohno's shoulders slump. "Help me?" he asks pitifully.

Nino takes no pity on him. "You sing love songs for a living. Sho sings love songs for a living. Figure something out. I love you, Oh-chan."

His best friend is a bastard. "I love you too, Nino," Ohno sighs before he hangs up and hands the phone back to Sho.

Sho folds his arms. "What is going on?" he asks.

Shit, Ohno thinks. Sho is not a happy camper. He's got a cold, stern look on his face and Ohno is pretty certain that Sho is actually really pissed off. This is his last shot. He looks down the table and the scatter remains of dinner and dessert and their language lesson. He gives up on English. "I don't want to say it," he says quietly. "It's embarrassing. But I'm in love with you and I want to be with you. I couldn't find a way to say it indirectly. Sorry," he ends on a mumble.

There is nothing but silence for a while and then Sho stands up and offers out his hand.

Fuck words, thinks Ohno as he and Sho walk together, hand in hand. Actions speak louder anyway.

(no subject)

Date: 2011-12-02 12:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ohno and his 'I'll find an indirect way to tell you, but fail' is too much love :D
And Sho being smart but not that bright.
Or even when you have Arashi being (not) helpful is too cute and hilarious.
Or even how you have Nino taking the initiative to push Ohno enough <3
Ohno's English <33

Thanks a lot for sharing :D

(no subject)

Date: 2011-12-02 02:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*happy sigh*

This is totally how Ohno and Sho would hook up. I heartily approve.

(no subject)

Date: 2011-12-02 04:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
this is glorious. XD i love how you've worked the ~arashi dynamic, which is one of my favorite things to see in pairing fics, and the ohmiya soulmate angle is AS ALWAYS great. i don't know, i'm drinking wine and don't really have words but i can tell i will be rereading this. XD oh ohno, needing to confess because sho's too stupid to get his ~~~~subtle clues.

(no subject)

Date: 2011-12-02 09:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yes Leader, a direct confession is best if it is Sho. XD

I love that the rest of Arashi in their own special ways provide insight to Ohno's dilemna - with Jun not wanting to hear about it but sort-of support it, Aiba proposing a plan and Nino finally intervening for the sake of his soulmate's happiness (I really love that Ohmiya are still soulmates even if they don't have romantic feelings for each other)

(no subject)

Date: 2011-12-02 09:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Adorable! I love the ploys, and how Ohno and Nino are, of course, ~soulmates~. This made a cold day a lot warmer. ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2011-12-03 04:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
i love sho being oblivious and the ending is so sweet
thanks for writing and sharing

(no subject)

Date: 2011-12-18 04:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
ohh how I miss them lately..
so adorable :3
thank you for this xD


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