LOVELESS (Ritsuka/Soubi) PORN FOR MEG

[ciircee]

To my dear and darling Meg, who has kicked smoking's ass for a whole, entire year. This is technically not late, either! As Edward comforted me in my stupidity, he said 'well, if she last smoked on the 29th, that makes the 30th the first day where she DIDN'T smoke'. Everybody should write porn for the awesomeness that is lazulisong!

I am proud of you and you deserve porn and pettens. Probably I will have something more for you soon. If I can concentrate for more than six seconds without putting myself to sleep with the other pills meant to 'counter the nerves'. Dude.




Disclaimers: Um. Kouga Yun and probably some other people, somewhere. I am not smart enough to come up with shota, incest, catboy porn on my own.

Dedication: To Meg! For being KICK ASS.

Note: Only have 3 volumes of Loveless. Will kick own ass later.

Life Cycle of the Butterfly

Sweet childish days, that were as long
As twenty days are now.
-To a Butterfly.

It came like a bolt of lightening comes during a storm; half expected but entirely a surprise when it happened.

Walking through the park at Ritsuka's side, innocently making dirty suggestions as they passed the ice-cream carts. A boy, maybe Ritsuka's age but probably younger, suddenly in their way and grinning wickedly as Soubi's battle-senses twinged to life.

"Don't get y'r panties ina twist; 'mnot here f'r you" the boy said dismissively before Soubi could even begin to initiate. He turned to Ritsuka. "Septimal Moon sends you this." And he flicked an envelope marked with Ritsuka's name on it across the space between them, melting into the crowd as they both looked at it.

Inside the envelope, a set of directions to a temple in a distant town. There was a photograph of the temple—old, abandoned—with seven moons in the sky over it.

"Seimei," Ritsuka said, touching the writing on the page. "Soubi, do you—" he started, turning towards him only to stop short. "You're bleeding!"

Soubi frowned lightly. He touched his throat and pulled his fingers away, sticky and red. "Beloved," he said, looking down into Ritsuka's wide eyes.


My eyes are dim with childish tears,
My heart is idly stirred,
For the same sound is in my ears
Which in those days I heard.
-The Fountain.

Kio and the Zero boys saw them off at the train station. Ritsuka, Youji and Natsuo stared at Kio in unabashed fascination as Kio double checked their tickets, ran over their itinerary, handed them lunches, and programmed his cell number into Ritsuka's phone. Soubi was too used to it to pay it much attention. Instead he watched the way Ritsuka's fingers toyed with the strap of his bag.

"Hey, you brats," Kio asked, rounding on the Zeros, "Have you got phones?" Soubi blinked at him. Kio was more earnest than he'd thought. It wasn't like this was their first trip out of town, hunting Seimei's killer. Ritsuka was smiling, however and Youji and Natsuo were shrugging at each other.

Sucking on a chupa chup, Youji held up a slim mobile. He slurped noisily while Kio added their number to Ritsuka's phonebook.

"Okay," Kio said, dusting his hands. "That's everything I can do on such short notice. Ri-chan, you take care of yourself and Sou-chan."

Youji pulled the lolly out of his mouth with a wet, messy sound. "Backwards," he announced. "Ritsuka doesn't take orders."

Natsuo stole his candy, grinned at him and then at Kio. "Kio doesn't know how it works."

Ritsuka interceded before Kio could threaten either of them. "Yuiko and Yayoi-san are both out of town for summer vacation," he told them. "They're safe. But Kio's here and you're right; he doesn't know how this works. So don't mess with him and absolutely keep him out of trouble."

"Keep me—?! You little brat!"

"Maybe we should tell him how it works."

"You two can just kiss my ass."

"Ooo. Maybe we won't have our tails when they get home."

"You two are going to have tails if I have to staple them to your butts."

"There he goes again."

"We're going to need staples, the way he talks."

"Perverts! Under-aged perverts!"

Soubi followed Ritsuka on to the train without interrupting the high-spirited argument in process. They had the car to themselves so far; unsurprising for such an early hour. He tugged Ritsuka into his arms once they sat down. "Let me hold you for a minute," he said when Ritsuka fidgeted against him.

"Soubi," Ritsuka muttered gruffly. Then he swung around, straddling Soubi's lap, wrapping his arms around his neck and hiding his face. "Just for a minute," he sighed.


A simple child
That lightly draws its breath,
And feels its life in every limb,
What should it know of death?
-We are Seven.

Soubi had forgot just how casually cruel Seimei could be. Toeing aside a fallen Zero as carelessly as kicking a stone out of his path, seating himself on the old, Buddhist altar like it was some sort of throne and smiling at Ritsuka as Ritsuka struggled to catch his breath. "You can do better, Ritsuka. I know you can."

"Seimei!" Ritsuka shouted. His voice echoed strangely flat in the abandoned temple. "I don't understand," he whispered and Soubi closed his arms around him more tightly still. "Who—" Ritsuka's voice gained in volume again, "Who was it—at my school, in my chair—who…?"

"Ah, that was Five," Nagisa said from her position behind the altar. She was tapping a finger against her lips, frowning down at the first Zero to have failed against them. "Our old Five, anyway. Seimei-chan likes to throw things away."

Seimei sighed, as though bored. "As I explained already, it was a physical matter."

"Nothing to do with the fact that Five was your most hated teacher when you were still at school?" Ritsu interrupted testily. "Ungrateful boy."

Soubi felt Ritsuka stiffen in his arms and ran his fingers soothingly over the silky edge of one ear. "Shh."

"Very little," Seimei shrugged. "You're put out because he was a Sacrifice and not a Fighter Unit."

Nagisa smiled sweetly. "Boo," she tipped her head. "Boo, boo, boo. That's not it. Ritsu is still upset that I'm Two and he's all the way back at Six."

"Two was old and doddering; too easy," Ritsu said with an offhanded wave.

"Boo," Nagisa said again. "Your Fighter Unit made Moon before you did and you're jealous."

"Children," The woman who'd introduced herself as Seven sighed.

Seimei stood and came forward. Soubi would have backed up if the Constriction hadn't been so complete. He couldn't even turn Ritsuka's face away as Seimei crouched down in front of them. His hand did keep Seimei from ruffling Ritsuka's hair. His own hair suffered from a hard yank at that impertinence before Seimei turned a smile back on his brother. "Five was the one with a body type to best match mine, nothing more."

"Seimei," Ritsuka whispered, his fingers tight on Soubi's shirttail underneath his jacket. "I don't understand."

"Ritsuka," Seimei kissed him on the mouth. Soubi buried his face in Ritsuka's hair, wanting not to see Ritsuka's response. "You ask so many questions. The moon has to set before it can rise, right?"

"I…I still don't…" Ritsuka whispered.

"You don't need to understand, Ritsuka, you just have to trust me," Seimei said, finally getting impatient enough to knock Soubi's hand away and put his own hand in its place. "Trust me as your brother, as your Sacrifice, as the only one who calls you 'Beloved'."

Soubi felt something inside him fracture like the glass of a window pane under a hammer drop. He lifted his head, catching Seimei's eye as Seimei pulled his mouth away from Ritsuka's. "Beloved?"

"Really, Soubi," Seimei clucked his tongue. "You've failed him. You've failed Ritsuka. See how he's hurting?" His eyes were dark with anger and Soubi hunched closer around Ritsuka. For protection or to protect, he wasn't sure. "I told you not to fail him. I'd have taken him back from you much earlier, if I'd known."

"No." Soubi wasn't sure whether he spoke or Ritsuka did, or if they both spoke together. Only the denial mattered.

"Zero," Seimei called brushing Ritsuka's hair away from his eyes before standing. The only pair of Zeros still lazing around the temple stretched and slid to their feet. "Don't hurt Beloved, but feel free to kill Soubi."

The Zeros smiled at them. Your bond is nothing, said one, lifting a hand and bringing it slashing down. Something inside of Soubi hurt. The other Zero reached out, twisting his hands. All things come to zero, he said.

And it twisted and it pulled and tore inside until Ritsuka's fingers twined through his own. "This is our bond," he whispered, the pain breaking on it like waves on a rock.

Soubi nodded. Obscure. Your meaning is unclear. Your spell strikes the bonds you've placed. The chains of Constriction went to powder and Soubi shot to his feet, pulling Ritsuka up with him even as he coughed on the dust and sudden unrestricted flow of air.

"Oh, boo, so you're free," the first Zero blew a raspberry. Sunder!

If possible, it was worse than the previous spell. It ripped through him, through his connection to Ritsuka, as though the ties they'd forged were little more than threads of candy floss. "Soubi!" Ritsuka stepped in front of him, clung to him. He tangled their hands again. "This is our bond, Soubi. This."

Reforge. Soubi lifted their joined hands, extending them towards Seimei and his Fighters. Our bond reforms at double strength.

"Boo," said the second Zero. "How annoying! Can't we just cut him up?"

"That's much more fun, anyhow."

As Seimei chided the Zero pair, Ritsuka murmured, "Soubi. Soubi, we've got to run."

"We can't," he answered automatically. He tightened his grip on Ritsuka's fingers. "We can't retreat until they've had their turn. And if they go for our bond again…"

"No," Ritsuka whispered. "We're not waiting. They're cheating anyhow. They haven't declared battle since the first pair and that means that we're behind on turns."

The stupid thing, the really stupid thing, was how much technicalities mattered in a battle. Soubi wrapped his arms around Ritsuka. "Hold on," he instructed. "I've never done this before."

"Oh, great," Ritsuka muttered, but his arms slid obediently around Soubi's waist.

Retreat. Like butterflies on the breeze, beyond their grasp.

Pins!

The pins were nothing, Soubi didn't even worry about them as his spell activated. To pin a butterfly it had to have alighted and the spell the Zeros were using was short-range at best. But Seimei's smug look…that was something else.


And homeless near a thousand homes I stood,
And near a thousand tables pined and wanted food.
-Guilt and Sorrow. Stanza 41.

The next thing Soubi knew was cold. Cold water, cold skin, a sinking cold feeling in his stomach. "Ritsuka?" he asked without meaning, everything on automatic.

"Finally," Ritsuka's voice muttered from somewhere in the vicinity of his left shoulder. "I'm here," he said more clearly.

Soubi hugged him, not caring that he was getting wetter and colder in the process. "Ritsuka."

"Soubi." Ritsuka's head turned, his face pressing against Soubi's neck. After a moment he asked, "Are you awake?"

"Yes." Soubi nuzzled closer and licked the base of one silk-fine cat ear.

Ritsuka sighed. "You can't be. You haven't tried anything yet."

Soubi opened his eyes and looked around without moving his head. Tiled walls. Spraying water. Shower? He let his hands drift. Oh, yes, shower.

"Pervert," Ritsuka squeezed him. He shifted and the water went hot. "Seimei set a spell on you," he quietly answered the question that Soubi hadn't yet asked as steam began to billow. "One that could only work once yours started, I think. That's when it took hold, anyhow. He's…smart."

Soubi thought about that. "Yes."

"But so am I," Ritsuka said, his arms going almost savagely tight around Soubi's middle. "I didn't hear it, but I knew what it was. When I was little, Seimei used to catch butterflies for me and show me how their wings left powder on his fingers when he touched them. He called it sleeping powder. He told me all about it. So when we got here and you…you kinda fell over…Kio always says you only wake up with cold water."

"Butterflies die when you touch their wings," Soubi murmured, nibbling at the twitching tip of Ritsuka's ear.

Ritsuka was silent for a long time. Then, "When I found out, I made him stop."

His hands twitched against Soubi's back and Soubi had the sudden image of Ritsuka's hand cupped protectively over a pair of blue-black wings. Not a net, but a shelter. He kissed a path down the inside edge of the ear he'd been chewing on. "Thank you, Ritsuka."

"Nrgh," Ritsuka shivered against him. "Shut up."

Still feeling sleepy and slow, Soubi smiled. He kissed Ritsuka's other ear as it flicked against the spray. "Of course, Ritsuka."

Ritsuka's hands feathered over his back. "Soubi," he took a short breath. "Seimei called the Zeros something. Before he." He broke off and shook his head. "'Null'," he pronounced the English word carefully. "Do you know what it meant?"

"Void," Soubi answered, feeling heavy inside. "Empty. Blank."

"Blank," Ritsuka repeated. "That's why he could make them his Fighters."

Though it hadn't been a question, Soubi confirmed it. "Yes. It was an idea he toyed with while at school. He'd had special lessons with Nagisa." He felt Ritsuka's fingers trace the edge of one of the long scars on his back and shook his head mutely. Not that sort of lesson. Not for Seimei.

"He was right," Ritsuka said softly. "Was he right about me, too? Was he right about me being his Fighter? Being 'Beloved'?"

He couldn't find his voice at first, could only shake his head.

"Seimei's word is absolute," Ritsuka pressed. "You said that. You said, no matter what, his words were always true."

"No," Soubi found the word in a gasp, crushing Ritsuka hard against himself. "You're not a Fighter Unit. Fighters can feel other Fighters, even when battle systems aren't initiated. And you don't have the reflexes. You've seen Natsuo and I do it; react seemingly before something happens or stroke soap bubbles without popping them. It's an advanced set of reflexes that all Fighters have." He buried his lips in the hair just over Ritsuka's human ear, half drowning in the falling water. "You're not Seimei's. Not unless you let yourself become his," he whispered, "unless you let yourself…"

The water cut off abruptly. "Come on," Ritsuka said briskly. "I'm…I'm tired. We should sleep this off."

The cold feeling in the pit of his stomach was back but Soubi followed Ritsuka out of the shower, out of the bathroom, and into what he recognized as the hotel room that they'd rented earlier in the day. The closest shelter his spell had been able to bring them too. Still naked and damp, Ritsuka crawled into the bed. Soubi felt himself sway on his feet. "Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka didn't meet his eyes. "Just get in, Soubi."

It was all the invitation he needed to crawl into the bed, curl up beside him with his head over his heart, and sleep.


But how can he expect that others should
Build for him, sow for him, and at his call
Love him, who for himself will take no heed at all?
-Resolution and Independence. Stanza 6.

Soubi woke up warm, with the warm, low sound of Ritsuka's voice surrounding him. There was still something cold burning inside of him, but he ignored it in favor of staring at the bare expanse of Ritsuka's abdomen. He had a very good view of it, seeing as how his head was pillowed on Ritsuka's stomach. He flexed his fingers, tempted to push the sheet down and a moment later he heard the click of a cell phone being closed.

Ritsuka's fingers combed through his hair, catching slightly as they slid. "I called home." His voice hitched around the word. "I told Natsuo that he should only listen to Youji and I told Youji that he could only listen to Kio until I called back and said otherwise. I told Kio not to let them fight."

He turned his head and laid a kiss just under Ritsuka's bellybutton in thanks. "Have you been awake long?" he asked as Ritsuka's fingers started over again at the crown of his head.

Above him, Ritsuka let out a breath. "Have you ever thought about what the rest of your life would be like?"

Yes. Miserable, Soubi thought. And then Seimei came and I wanted to die. Until you came and I got confused. He shook his head and pressed up into the idle stroke of Ritsuka's hand.

"Me neither. I always knew that 'Ritsuka' would come back and I would be gone. I wouldn't have a 'rest of' in my life." His hands stilled and then started again, slow, measured strokes. "But Seimei said—in the temple today, Seimei said that my time with you was like a chrysalis and that coming out would be painful but I'd have changed into a butterfly. Perfect."

Soubi shuddered without meaning to. "Ritsuka is perfect just as he is."

Ritsuka shrugged around him and Soubi flexed his fingers again, absorbing the feel of the soft skin under his hand. "When he said that…I remembered." He fell silent and Soubi listened to the sound of their breathing, loud in the quiet. "I remembered being 'Ritsuka'. I was talking to somebody and Seimei sent them away. He called me a caterpillar, the same way he called the Zeros 'null'. Loveless like a caterpillar. And then I wasn't 'Ritsuka' anymore."

Something sick and bitter rose up to sit on the back of Soubi's tongue. "Ritsuka," he said, but he was grateful when Ritsuka spoke over him. He didn't know what it was that he wanted to say, or could.

"I think that Katsuo-sensei was right. 'Ritsuka' didn't disappear. Something took my memories away and I…" he swallowed thickly and Soubi swallowed hard in sympathy. "I've always been Ritsuka. And he wanted to…to keep me. To own me. But Seimei couldn't change who I was even when he took away my memories. So he renamed me and hid me away to make me change the way he wanted. I couldn't tell my mother why I was different and he wouldn't and so…so everything…all of it…Even if all of those memories come back, I'll be me."

"Ritsuka," Soubi said it as an affirmation. "Ritsuka."

"Soubi." Ritsuka said his name in the same way. Confirmation. Then, "I knew this would be the end," he said. "I'm the same age Seimei was when he 'died'. Tomorrow will be seven years exactly since my memories went away. After tomorrow, I can think about the rest of my life."

Soubi closed his eyes. "Yes."

"You'll be there, right, Soubi? No matter what?"

His eyes snapped open. He blinked cautiously, glad that Ritsuka couldn't see his face. "If Ritsuka wants."

"Don't be useless, Soubi," Ritsuka sighed. Soubi felt him push lightly at his shoulder. "Sit up," and he let Ritsuka push him upright. Ritsuka sat up too, reaching over to pick up something on the bedside table that Soubi felt certain hadn't been there earlier. He took it when Ritsuka held it out.

"A piercing gun?" he asked, weighing it in his hands. "You want to pierce my ears again?"

Ritsuka flushed pink. "No. Not your ears."

Soubi felt his eyebrows shoot up as he looked down at his own body. "Then what?"

"Not that!" Ritsuka was brilliantly red and unable to meet his eyes except in small glances. "I want you to pierce my ears." He looked up and his eyes were as deep and clear as the ocean. "If you want me, I want you to mark me as yours."


She gave me eyes, she gave me ears;
And humble cares, and delicate fears;
A heart, the fountain of sweet tears;
And love and thought and joy.
-The Sparrow’s Nest.

His hands didn't shake until after he'd dropped the piercing gun off the side of the bed. He wasn't sure if they were shaking because of what he'd just done or if it was due to the sight of the blue-black butterflies nestled intimately in the soft, cream-pale flesh of Ritsuka's ears.

He wanted to touch them. To feel the reality of them with his fingers and his lips, to taste them on his tongue. He restrained himself with great difficulty and only because he remembered the lingering pain of it himself. "Does it hurt?" he asked quietly.

Ritsuka crawled into his lap, a reflection of the moment on the train the 'one minute' that had lasted so sweetly long. Except they were naked now and Ritsuka, instead of hiding his face, licked along the edge of Soubi's ear until Soubi shuddered. "Take my ears," he whispered.

"Please," Soubi said, "please."

The first press of Ritsuka's mouth to his own made Soubi's eyes flutter shut. He couldn't help it. In five years he'd still not got used to that first moment of contact, the way that Ritsuka simply opened to him.

Kissing had been the one thing Soubi had been glad to teach Ritsuka. Unlike all the other training, this one had been a true pleasure. The delicate pink-sugar blush that dusted his cheeks, the soft-soft-soft sounds he made in the back of his throat, the way his lips were always so warm, no matter how cold it was like a fever, like summer. "Ritsuka."

"Take my ears, Soubi," Ritsuka whispered into his mouth, pressing closer, his hands tight on Soubi's shoulders. "Take them." His tongue teased at the inside of Soubi's lower lip, promising. "Take them."

Soubi nipped Ritsuka's tongue, listening with pleasure to the slight hiss it provoked. "Please," he murmured back. He let go of Ritsuka's hips to cup his face lightly, just the tips of his fingers holding Ritsuka in place as he deepened the kiss more and more. Ritsuka's mouth was sustenance; wet like water, delicious like chocolate, entertaining like cigarettes, fun like alcohol. "Please, Ritsuka."

Ritsuka shifted in his arms, pushing him back. "Soubi," he said, and there was a hint of disapproval in his eyes. He planted his hands against his shoulders and Soubi let Ritsuka shove him over onto his back. He was surprised, then, when Ritsuka crawled on top of him, warm and hot and hard and soft, kissing his neck and saying "Soubi, take my ears."

Uncertainty made him go still under him. It wasn't that they'd never lain together, kissing and touching, before. It was the way Ritsuka held him down when he tried to roll them over, the way he slipped sylph-like from his grasp that confused him. "Ritsuka?"

"I want you to take them," Ritsuka's lips trailed like slow fire over his skin, sparking along his shoulder, burning down his throat. "I want it to be you, Soubi."

Soubi moaned as Ritsuka's kiss turned into hard suckling. Ritsuka had thrilled the first time he'd managed to give Soubi a hickey. It was rare that Soubi didn't have a love-bite fading in or out somewhere on his body, but it never failed to make him arch and gasp and moan. "Please," he couldn't stop the word from falling.

Ritsuka made an annoyed sound under his breath and slid down his body, head shaking so the spill of his hair tickled against his skin like another caress. "Soubi." He kissed his chest, scattered them. "Soubi, take them," he moaned, kissing his nipple like he had his mouth, all gentle-sweet sipping and flickering teases.

"Please, Ritsuka, let me," Soubi heard himself plead. He wasn't used to this. He had to do something. To make love to Ritsuka.

But Ritsuka was growling, bearing him back down before he'd manage to do more than tense his muscles to change their positions. "Soubi," his growl dropped off into a husky sort of purr. Ritsuka's mouth moved back and forth, lower and lower, tracing Soubi's ribs with his tongue. "Take my ears."

Soubi put his hands in Ritsuka's hair, shifting the smooth strands through his fingers, rubbing the base of those silky ears. "Please," he whispered, caught by the way Ritsuka mewled at the movement of his hands.

"Sou~bi," Ritsuka moaned out the complaint, slipping his hold. He licked his lips and glanced down and Soubi shivered at that heavy-lidded, contemplative look. Even as he watched, Ritsuka's head dipped. Fire-ice-pleasure-pain shot through him, wringing a hoarse cry from him, as the heaven-hell of Ritsuka's tongue dragged slowly up the underside of his cock. Ritsuka sat up, his tongue pressing to the roof of his mouth, obviously tasting, and licked his lips again. "Soubi. Soubi. Soubi, take my ears."

"Please," Soubi heard himself beg. His tone rapidly moving beyond mere 'begging' as Ritsuka's head lowered again, his breath a humid touch against the agonizingly sensitive head of his cock. "Please, Ritsuka, please." He closed his eyes as Ritsuka's kiss-swollen lips parted.

Ritsuka was fantastically inexperienced. His movements were awkward, made more so by the way he pressed the hard thrust of his own erection against whatever part of Soubi he could reach. And his mouth wouldn't stay in one place, wouldn't settle down to suck, but seemed determined to lick his entire length. His hands gripped his upper thighs in a hard hold sure to leave bruises behind, thumbs sweeping at the sensitive juncture between body and leg in dizzying counterpoint. Added to all of that, was the wetness. Ritsuka's mouth was moving slickly and even though it was sloppy and messy, it was making Soubi's mouth water. He'd have to tutor him at this, he thought distantly, sliding his hands over the laid-back fold of Ritsuka's cat ears. As soon as it stopped being the most electrifying sensation that he'd ever felt, he'd have to do something about Ritsuka's technique.

His eyes closed, his mouth still uttering please after please after please, Soubi didn't notice when Ritsuka stopped at first. "Soubi," Ritsuka's soft moan seized his attention. Ritsuka had moved, hovering over him now, hands resting over his heart. "Take them, Soubi, take my ears."

"Please!" Soubi reached for Ritsuka, wanting to drag him down for another kiss, to push him back down to finish that unskilled blow job, to roll him over and hold him down and touch him everywhere, devour him in greedy, hungry gulps. His hands had barely lighted on the thin stretch of Ritsuka's shoulders, however, when Ritsuka…sat. Soubi froze. "Ritsuka," he said carefully. Very, very carefully. "You're not ready."

Ritsuka's eyes were slitted in concentration and effort. "I'm more than ready," he groaned. "I'm so ready, Soubi. Take them."

Soubi's hands fluttered over Ritsuka's shoulders, down his arms, completely lost. "You shouldn't—" he broke off with a hiss as Ritsuka opened around him, drawing him in. "Shouldn't, Ritsuka," he panted. "Oh, you shouldn't."

Under the veil of his lashes, Ritsuka's eyes gleamed dark purple-blue. "It feels good," his voice was little more than a whimper, connected straight to the snap-and-roll control of Soubi's hips.

Only the high, thin wail that followed made him stop moving, brought him back to himself. "Ritsuka," he swallowed back a whimper of his own. "I'm sorry, Ritsuka, I'm—"

"Worrying too much," Ritsuka grunted. He planted his hands and shoved down, hard.

Exquisite control kept Soubi from thrusting up wildly as Ritsuka seated himself firmly over him, taking all of him inside his body. It wasn't quite exquisite enough to stop him from dragging Ritsuka down to him. He cradled him close, holding him still, trying not to fracture and fall apart at the way Ritsuka's breaths were tearing out of his lungs. "Ritsuka," he whispered, petting his back, his sides. "Ritsuka."

"Soubi," Ritsuka sounded breathless and strange. "Soubi, move. Please, move. Take my ears." Ritsuka shook off his embrace, sitting up with a shallow rock of his hips. "You taught me self hypnosis, Soubi. It doesn't hurt. Take my ears, Soubi. Take them."

Soubi stared up at him. He had taught him self hypnosis. For some reason…rational thought was slipping away from him, but he remembered…some reason, a bad reason but it was so good right now. "Ritsuka."

Ritsuka rocked his hips again, a small, sharp movement that made Soubi see double for a moment. "Soubi," Ritsuka's hands clenched against his chest. "Soubi," he lifted off slightly, thrusting back down hard. "Will you take my ears?" He did it again, the lift and fall, releasing him, taking him.

And suddenly, it occurred to Soubi what he should have said the first time Ritsuka had asked him. He ran his hand down Ritsuka's arms, gathering his hands into his own, weaving their fingers together. He held firm as Ritsuka used the hold for leverage, moving faster, harder. "Ritsuka."

"Will you take them, Soubi?" Ritsuka's eyes had closed, face and body gone tight as shivers wracked him. His tail swished, marking out a tortuous beat along the insides of Soubi's spread thighs. "Soubi?"

Soubi kissed his fingers. "Yes."

His name was a gasp as Ritsuka arched his back, ground down, and came. "Soubi," Ritsuka murmured, a smile playing around his lips as he opened his eyes. He shook off Soubi's hands and stretched languidly. Soubi bit his lip, hard, and held still. "Soubi," Ritsuka repeated, his voice drawing the syllables out warmly. His hands drifted down his own body, making his breathing catch. "Soubi."

"Ritsuka," Soubi touched Ritsuka's knees on either side of his hips. He didn't want to rush this—this full, satisfied, dreamy, hazy time—for him.

Ritsuka's fingers roamed over Soubi's stomach, pushing their way through their mingled sweat and the small, sticky pool that his own body had left. His hips rolled indolently. Ritsuka's fingers slid up and up, over his heart to where Soubi's pulse beat heavily in his throat. "This name," he sighed, tracing the letters scared there, "this name is nothing anymore." A wet heat trailed his hands, drying quickly, almost like melted wax from a candle. It made his skin tingle. It tingled more when Ritsuka leaned down (and oh, the way he moved) and followed the course of his fingers with his tongue. "Our bond is beyond it. Our choice," he murmured, lapping over the last of the letters, his hips rolling, rolling, rolling steadily. "Stronger than any fate." He drew back, and Soubi stretched under him, rolling with him. "That name is nothing, Soubi. There's nothing left of it to hold us."

Soubi spread his legs a little more, pressing up into tightness of Ritsuka's body as he held his gaze. "I know," he said. Need was clawing at him. He let his hands come up; pushing at the base of the ears Ritsuka had asked him to take. "I know, Ritsuka," he repeated. He curled his fingers around the soft, silky ears and tugged. He squeezed lightly, feeling Ritsuka's renewing erection twitch against his stomach. He shuddered, holding himself back. "I want these."

A shiver rippled through them both. "Then take them," Ritsuka whispered.

For a moment he debated asking Ritsuka if he was ready. If he was sure. But it was a stupid question and already too late. Instead, he pressed. Under his hands he could feel the sharp snap as the cat ears gave way to his ministrations. Ritsuka screamed, rearing away from him, his back curved like a perfect crescent moon, his hips snapping wildly.

Soubi followed him up, wrapping his arms around Ritsuka's waist, holding him firm even as Ritsuka's hands raked over his shoulders and across his back. Soubi could feel his pulse hammering frantically under his kiss as he caught his tail, sliding his hand up it in an even stroke. He pulled as hard as he could, given their positions and Ritsuka screamed again, his body clamping around Soubi's as tight as a vice. Soubi nearly lost himself to the moment, dragging himself back from the brink just in time. He curled forward, putting Ritsuka under him and began to (finally, finally) move. The hand not bracing him up slid between their bodies and he stroked Ritsuka's cock in time with his thrusts. Only when he felt the thick rush of Ritsuka's orgasm—only when he was sure that Ritsuka had found pleasure again—did he let himself go, shattering over and over into the boy beneath him, finally whole.

He wasn't sure how long they laid that way, joined together and breathing each other's air. But after a little while he gathered the strength to move off of Ritsuka instead of merely crushing him into the mattress. He chuckled at Ritsuka's sudden wince even as he laid back and gathered him into his arms. "A little sore?" Self hypnosis was hardly lubricant.

"Shut up," Ritsuka groused, curling into him. "We'll see who's laughing when I wake up again and take your ears."

Soubi kissed his hand as it went past him to scrub at his head where his ears had once been, a long time ago. "I look forward to it," he hummed. Sleep and wake healed. He kissed Ritsuka's forehead as sleep came to claim him, too.



Truths that wake,
To perish never.
-Intimations of Immortality. Stanza 9

Seimei was waiting for them when they walked into the temple at dawn. "Ritsuka!" he said, staring at them hard. "What are you…"

"Wearing?" Ritsuka asked when his brother didn't finish the sentence. Soubi followed his gaze down over his legs. "Soubi loaned me a pair of pants." The bottoms were turned up and the waist was a little tight and Soubi thought that he'd never seen Ritsuka look better.

"My favorite pair," Soubi added, smiling down at Ritsuka, wrapping his hand around the back of his neck. Ritsuka smiled back. Somewhere in the temple, somebody made a noise of disgust. The fact that it sounded like Ritsu only made Soubi smile more. "You look good."

"Your ears," Seimei spat.

Ritsuka reached up and fingered his ear lobe. "Oh, right," he said, as though suddenly remembering, "Soubi pierced them for me last night."

Soubi had to hide his smile in the tousle of Ritsuka's hair. From the sound Seimei made, it wasn't well hidden at all, but Soubi chalked that up to the lack of ears to hide it behind. He tilted his head so that his hair slipped back, revealing the gold and orange butterflies in his own ears. "You look even better," he told Ritsuka seriously.

Ritsuka leaned back against him. "Thank you, Soubi."

"Ritsuka."

Soubi nearly flinched at the tone and timbre of Seimei's voice, maybe would have if Ritsuka's fingers hadn't threaded neatly through his in that same moment.

"Seimei," Ritsuka said his voice a hard challenge. And then he stepped forward, his hand still clasped tightly with Soubi's. "Seimei. Don't do this," he asked softly. "Let's go home. Let's…" but he didn't finish. "It doesn't have to be like this," he said instead.

Soubi rubbed his thumb over the palm of Ritsuka's hand in comfort, waiting for Seimei's words.

"Ritsuka," Seimei sighed gently. "You're just afraid of becoming the butterfly you were meant to be."

"I'd rather be a caterpillar in our garden," Ritsuka said evenly, "than a butterfly in this temple." He took a deep breath that Soubi felt as much as heard. "And you don't have to be, either, Seimei. You can come home with us."

"Zero!" Seimei snapped, turning away from them.

Soubi accepted the sudden weight as Ritsuka momentarily let the defeat pull him down. But it was only momentary and Ritsuka was back on his own feet a second later. As he'd said the night before, his brother had died years ago. All that was left now was dealing with his killer.

There were two new pairs of Zeros standing ready at the front of the temple, but neither pair moved. Even with all his concentration, Soubi couldn't feel so much as a stir in their fields. "It won't work," he said conversationally. He smiled coldly when Seimei turned back to them, touching the neck strap of Ritsuka's cell phone with the tip of his index finger. "We both underestimated the power of pacifists."

"Ritsuka." The look that Seimei gave his brother made Soubi step closer to him, his free arm coming up to circle his waist. Seimei's sharp smile switched to him. "It doesn't matter, Ritsuka," he said softly. "Just as one moon has to set for another to rise, so too do other people have to move aside for the bonds of Fate. Soubi's in our way anyhow." His voice was smooth and controlled, unconcerned. Soubi hooked his fingers through the belt loops of Ritsuka's borrowed jeans as Seimei called, "Beloved."

"It won't work," he repeated, but his voice wasn't nearly as steady as it had been before.

Ritsuka's fingers curved over his, squeezing. "It won't work, Seimei," he said and his voice held the conviction that Soubi's had lacked. Ritsuka turned in his arms and reached for the bandages wound around his neck. He closed his eyes as he felt them loosen and then fall away. "It won't ever work again, Seimei. Soubi's chose his 'fate'."

Seimei's face darkened and for the first time, Soubi didn't see his handsomeness, only the ugly darkness. "You can't change Fate, Ritsuka," Seimei's voice had lost the smoothness, lost the smugness, the control.

Ritsuka stood firm. "Maybe I can't," he said. "But you could. You did. You picked the name yourself."

Loveless. Soubi said, lifting his and Ritsuka's joined hands.

Seimei loosed an enraged scream as the spell took, and Soubi instinctively pulled Ritsuka closer, offering him his body as comfort as all the lies of the past caught up to them, tearing away the illusion that had been his beloved older brother. In the middle of the temple, Seimei tore his shirt open and Soubi could see the scars raising in stark relief, circling his body, the L and the final S bracketing the place where his heart supposedly rested.

"It's over," he whispered when Seimei stopped screaming, dropping to his knees, defeated.

"So it is," said one of the members of Septimal Moon, a man leaning against a pillar in the corner.

"Most obviously," agreed another.

"Decisively," said Seven from behind them. She strode past them, her bare feet somehow loud on the stone floor. "'Beloved' has failed in his bid to Rise," she said, stopping in front of Seimei. She patted his head between his ears. "The judgment is absolute."

Ritsuka jolted suddenly in his arms. "Soubi! Stop them!" he cried whirling towards the place where his brother knelt.

But it was already too late. Even with his reflexes, Soubi was only evenly matched with the other Fighter, and she was already too close to Seimei. The flames roared to life and died away again in an instant, leaving only ashes in their wake. Dusting her hands, she turned to them. "You've done well, Loveless. Or do you prefer 'Five'?" she asked. She sounded friendly, her smile was genuinely delighted.

In his arms, Ritsuka shook. "My name is Aoyagi Ritsuka," he said, each word clearly ringing like a bell in the temple.

Ritsu threw up his hands. "We can go over the records and find whatever change Seimei made, if it means that much to you."

Soubi looked at his old teacher. "No," he said clearly.

Nagisa beamed at him. "I always knew you weren't as good as he gave you credit for."

Ritsuka glared at them before looking back at Seven. "I'm not 'Five'. I will never be a part of Septimal Moon."

Seven smiled at him. "Ritsuka-kun, you're our fifth."

"No," Soubi said again. Ritsuka smiled up at him and he smiled back. "You need seven members, but the only way to become a member is to kill an existing member and take their place."

"Or defeat the applicant," Ritsuka said. "But I don't have to accept and nobody else can, even if they defeat me. Even if they kill me."

Ritsu glared at Soubi and Soubi couldn't help giving him an impish smile. "I don't have a name anymore, Sensei. I'm not bound by your laws anymore."

"I said I was going to kill the bastard who killed my brother," Ritsuka said, heading for the door. Soubi followed him, hand still linked with his. "I said I would and now I have. It's over."

The door shut behind them with a muffled thump. Ritsuka didn't speak as Soubi picked up their bags from the place beside the door where they'd left them. He waited by the path, holding out a hand for Soubi's own as Soubi joined him. The sun was fully up by the time they reached the train station.

"The rest of my life," Ritsuka said, fingering his ticket. "Soubi…what will happen to the school? You said Septimal Moon was a governing body…?"

Soubi handed his ticket off as he boarded the train, looking for open seats. "The school will continue on. Sacrifices and Fighters are part of the natural order of the world. Septimal Moon simply imposed an order." He smiled to himself, pulling Ritsuka into a pair of empty seats. "Maybe it will change now."

Ritsuka settled next to him. "Maybe. I might like to be a teacher," he mused.

"I might like to have a roommate," Soubi said, raising an eyebrow meaningfully.

Ritsuka blushed and rubbed at the place where his ears had been. "Yeah, I don't think I want to stay at home anymore." He rubbed harder and shot Soubi a look from under his lashes. "Are Natsuo and Youji going to live with us?"

"No," Soubi said. "We're going to make them live with Kio."

Ritsuka laughed, a free happy sound, and climbed into his lap despite the plethora of businessmen surrounding them. "I love you, Soubi," he said.

Without hesitation, Soubi held him close. "I love you, too."

So build we up the being that we are.
-The Excursion.Book iv.


*****************
Eventually my other journal will explain why certain things in this story are the way they are. Loveless ramblings part two! Sometime when I don't have to re-write nearly nine pages due to my own stupidity (yes, let's try opening that file repeatedly so that you LOSE THE *.* versions! Dope.)

Quotes are all Bill Wordsworth.

True beauty dwells in deep retreats,
Whose veil is unremoved
Till heart with heart in concord beats,
And the lover is beloved.



Oh! And I almost forgot! While hashing out plot points for this, I made Loveless wallpapers! Most of them are variations on one theme and they're not great because I've never done it before, but what the hell! Really, what the hell!