MPREG AHOY.
Nov. 15th, 2009 09:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ciirceeThis is for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
flange5, for being productive. This is also thanks to an old conversation that lazulisong and kegom had about mpreg. It has never left my mind. But no, I still don't know how the doctors would tell them.
Five Miracles (of Questionable Origin) That Happened to Arashi
1: Full of grace
"So," said Nino coming into the greenroom and throwing his bag at his chair, "guess who got who knocked up."
"Oh, god, Nino," said Sho.
"Exactly," said Nino and dropped his coat.
He stomach was as round and distended as though he had a basketball under his shirt. Except he couldn't have because his shirt wasn't big enough to cover his protruding tummy and it was resting just above the swell of it.
"I don't care if you thought the look on Jun's face would be funny," Sho roared. "You do not tell the angel of the lord that you'll bear the next Jesus even if you DO think it's only a dream."
2: With a Wave of My Magic Wand
"I'm so happy," Sho said, touching his stomach with reverent hands.
"So, let me get this straight…" Jun said as he massaged his temples with the heels of his hands. "Nino took you out drinking at a bar staffed with magicians and…"
"She asked me what I wanted most," Sho beamed at him. "And now look at me! I'm gonna be a daddy! It's going to be the most beautiful baby, too. She was gorgeous."
"He'd say that even if it was some hairy, dirty, drunk hobo baby, wouldn't he?" Jun asked in quiet despair.
Sho was too busy glowing to hear him but Nino looked over. "Yep," he answered.
3: Pollination Tech Number Nine
"Remember that dream I had about being abducted by aliens?" Jun asked them in lieu of saying 'good morning'. "Well, it wasn't a dream."
"I always wanted a little brother or a sister!" Ohno said, kneeling down and pressing his cheek to Jun's gently rounded belly.
"Oh-chan," Nino sighed, "I don't think now is the time to joke about how you're a UFO-alien man."
"I don't think he's joking," Aiba said.
Ohno nuzzled Jun's abdomen again and cooed at it. "You're gonna love it out here! There's ramen and fish!"
4: The Lies of Health Class
"Well," said Aiba. "Well, see, I was at this porn theater—"
"Oh, god," Sho muttered into his hands.
"—and I went to the toilet," Aiba continued on blithely.
"You used a porn theater toilet?" Jun demanded.
"And I sat down," Aiba went on with a faintly hunted look.
"YOU SAT DOWN?" Jun howled.
Ohno put his arm around Aiba's shoulders and leveled a sad look at Jun. "He's in a delicate way," he said softly. "Don't be mean to him, Jun-chan."
"He is good," Nino announced to the room in general as Jun wilted.
"Okay," Aiba went on briskly, slinging his arm around Ohno's waist. "So anyhow I called Sho-chan's sister and—"
"You called MY SISTER?" Sho asked, his head jerking up out of his hands. "Why?"
Aiba blinked at him. "Well, I don't have a sister," he said reasonably.
"I think Sho meant 'what the hell for'," Nino said helpfully.
"Oh," said Aiba. "Well, the girls get that special health class about sex and periods and stuff, right? So I wanted to know if it was possible to get pregnant from a toilet seat."
Jun buried his face in the arm of the couch and made a keening sound of pain.
"What did she say?" Sho asked in horrified fascination, absently patting Jun's back.
"She said 'no'," Aiba reported dutifully. "But I'm pretty sure that's how it happened."
5: The First One to Use the 'S' Word
"Well, we can at least rule out members of KAT-TUN," Sho sighed.
"…" said Ohno.
"What the hell?" Nino demanded.
"Ew, Leader," Aiba said.
"We can't can't rule them out?" Ohno offered.
"I am giving you a bath in hot bleach as soon as I possibly can," Jun said feelingly.
Ohno put his hands protectively over his stomach. "I don't think that'd be good for the baby," he protested.
"That's why I said 'as soon as'," Jun told him. "The red-hot second that kid pops out, you're going right in the bleach-water."
"But what if it's not KAT-TUN's?" Aiba wanted to know.
"He's getting that bath just for the thought of it," Jun assured him.
Ohno pouted magnificently.
"…so," said Aiba an hour later. "It could basically be any guy in Japan."
Ohno scowled. "Not any. I have standards."
"You're such an easy drunk," Jun said, shaking his head.
"He's an easy sober," Nino said, hands on his hips. "That had better be my baby, that's all I'm saying."
flange5, for being productive. This is also thanks to an old conversation that lazulisong and kegom had about mpreg. It has never left my mind. But no, I still don't know how the doctors would tell them.Five Miracles (of Questionable Origin) That Happened to Arashi
1: Full of grace
"So," said Nino coming into the greenroom and throwing his bag at his chair, "guess who got who knocked up."
"Oh, god, Nino," said Sho.
"Exactly," said Nino and dropped his coat.
He stomach was as round and distended as though he had a basketball under his shirt. Except he couldn't have because his shirt wasn't big enough to cover his protruding tummy and it was resting just above the swell of it.
"I don't care if you thought the look on Jun's face would be funny," Sho roared. "You do not tell the angel of the lord that you'll bear the next Jesus even if you DO think it's only a dream."
2: With a Wave of My Magic Wand
"I'm so happy," Sho said, touching his stomach with reverent hands.
"So, let me get this straight…" Jun said as he massaged his temples with the heels of his hands. "Nino took you out drinking at a bar staffed with magicians and…"
"She asked me what I wanted most," Sho beamed at him. "And now look at me! I'm gonna be a daddy! It's going to be the most beautiful baby, too. She was gorgeous."
"He'd say that even if it was some hairy, dirty, drunk hobo baby, wouldn't he?" Jun asked in quiet despair.
Sho was too busy glowing to hear him but Nino looked over. "Yep," he answered.
3: Pollination Tech Number Nine
"Remember that dream I had about being abducted by aliens?" Jun asked them in lieu of saying 'good morning'. "Well, it wasn't a dream."
"I always wanted a little brother or a sister!" Ohno said, kneeling down and pressing his cheek to Jun's gently rounded belly.
"Oh-chan," Nino sighed, "I don't think now is the time to joke about how you're a UFO-alien man."
"I don't think he's joking," Aiba said.
Ohno nuzzled Jun's abdomen again and cooed at it. "You're gonna love it out here! There's ramen and fish!"
4: The Lies of Health Class
"Well," said Aiba. "Well, see, I was at this porn theater—"
"Oh, god," Sho muttered into his hands.
"—and I went to the toilet," Aiba continued on blithely.
"You used a porn theater toilet?" Jun demanded.
"And I sat down," Aiba went on with a faintly hunted look.
"YOU SAT DOWN?" Jun howled.
Ohno put his arm around Aiba's shoulders and leveled a sad look at Jun. "He's in a delicate way," he said softly. "Don't be mean to him, Jun-chan."
"He is good," Nino announced to the room in general as Jun wilted.
"Okay," Aiba went on briskly, slinging his arm around Ohno's waist. "So anyhow I called Sho-chan's sister and—"
"You called MY SISTER?" Sho asked, his head jerking up out of his hands. "Why?"
Aiba blinked at him. "Well, I don't have a sister," he said reasonably.
"I think Sho meant 'what the hell for'," Nino said helpfully.
"Oh," said Aiba. "Well, the girls get that special health class about sex and periods and stuff, right? So I wanted to know if it was possible to get pregnant from a toilet seat."
Jun buried his face in the arm of the couch and made a keening sound of pain.
"What did she say?" Sho asked in horrified fascination, absently patting Jun's back.
"She said 'no'," Aiba reported dutifully. "But I'm pretty sure that's how it happened."
5: The First One to Use the 'S' Word
"Well, we can at least rule out members of KAT-TUN," Sho sighed.
"…" said Ohno.
"What the hell?" Nino demanded.
"Ew, Leader," Aiba said.
"We can't can't rule them out?" Ohno offered.
"I am giving you a bath in hot bleach as soon as I possibly can," Jun said feelingly.
Ohno put his hands protectively over his stomach. "I don't think that'd be good for the baby," he protested.
"That's why I said 'as soon as'," Jun told him. "The red-hot second that kid pops out, you're going right in the bleach-water."
"But what if it's not KAT-TUN's?" Aiba wanted to know.
"He's getting that bath just for the thought of it," Jun assured him.
Ohno pouted magnificently.
"…so," said Aiba an hour later. "It could basically be any guy in Japan."
Ohno scowled. "Not any. I have standards."
"You're such an easy drunk," Jun said, shaking his head.
"He's an easy sober," Nino said, hands on his hips. "That had better be my baby, that's all I'm saying."
