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ciirceeI continue to try to introduce my twin to the possibility that writing boyband fic is a Good Thing Because They Are Too Cute. Sadly, LJ has a word limit.
Five Things Nino is Forbidden to Say in an Interview
1. 'I have washed every part of (insert Arashi member name here) in the bath.'
"Hey," Aiba shifted in the bed, nudging Nino with his foot. "Help me up, okay?"
Nino shifted and sat on Aiba's feet. "No way. Your mom said that the hospital said that you're supposed to stay in bed. Plus, your mom wouldn't even kill me herself. She'd tell my mom and then my mom would kill me.
Aiba grimaced and pushed himself up to fully sitting, then swung his legs out from under the covers so he, like Nino, was sitting at the edge of the bed. "I need a bath. I'm clear through 'yucky' and sneaking into 'icky'. Just help me to the bathroom, all right?" Nino wavered. "I feel all gross."
"If she kills me…" Nino said, but he was sliding up under Aiba's arm as they got to their feet. "You shower while I run the bath."
*
"Jun-kun. Junnosuke. Matsujun. Matsujunjunjun. MATSUJUN!" Nino leaned tiredly against the door of the hotel bathroom. He was exhausted from jet-lag, wrung out from the concert, and Jun had been in their shared bathroom for nearly half an hour already. "If you don't open the door, I'm coming in there and shower-sharing with you." He and Jun were sharing the room, he thought, and he was sure he'd have noticed if Jun had somehow left the bathroom. He glanced at Jun's bed. "Really, I'll come in there!"
There was no answer and so he twisted the knob. "Coming in," he warned.
Jun was still in the bathroom. He was naked and asleep on his feet, propped up by the towel bar.
"Stupid," Nino muttered. "Don't we tell you to sleep more?" He ignored Jun for the moment and went to the bath. It was one of those weird tub-shower combinations and so a shower would have to do. He spent a minute fiddling with the water, trying to get the right temperature. Jun liked his showers scalding and Nino preferred his to be blistering. When he had it right, he stripped down and then went to Jun. "Hey, c'mon."
Jun let himself be led into the water, reviving just enough to give Nino a smile as Nino pushed him under the spray.
*
"Naaaaa! You and 'nii-chan were in the shower together last night! You were really loud and laughing a lot and 'nee-chan says that 'nii-chan's clothes were all covered with throw up!"
Nino blinked blearily at Sho's little brother. "Huh?"
"An' you wouldn't let my mom in at all!"
He tried to sit up, hampered by an excited grade-schooler and a hangover-headache that threaten to burst its way out of his head by way of his eyes. "Huh?" He glanced down at himself. He was in Sho's room, in Sho's bed, and wearing a pair of Sho's pajamas. "Where's my phone?"
Sho's brother slid off of him, ran out of the room, and ran back a moment later. "Here! What're you gonna do?"
He dialed home. "Mom?" he said. He couldn't remember if he'd called last night to say he was staying over but he didn't want to take a chance on his mother worrying over him.
"Do you know the trouble you've put Sakurai-san's mother through?" his mother demanded. "Letting you boys in to the house in the middle of the night, cleaning up the bathroom, dressing you…"
He winced and held his phone away from his ear, gratefully accepting the aspirin that Sho brought to him.
*
"Oh-chan! Wait your turn!"
"It's big enough for two! And anyway, I'm Leader, right?"
"I don't care if you're Leader! You should wait your turn!"
"But I'm already wet!"
Nino pushed his hair out of his face and looked at Ohno. Ohno was wet. His hair, normally spiked up, was plastered across his forehead. He looked like the Leader he had been when they'd first debuted, with his hair like that.
"All right, all right. But next time, share with Jun. I want to hear him scream, okay?"
"Okay!"
The problem was that there really wasn't room for two, Nino decided after Ohno nearly nailed him in the eye with an elbow for the third time. "There isn't room for two. Not two people without black-eyes, anyhow," he told him.
"Sorry!" Ohno muttered. "I'm trying to stay out of your way."
"Well, it's not working." Nino sucked on his lower lip for a moment. "Okay, don't take this wrong, but I think we'd better each wash what we can comfortably reach no matter who it belongs to."
"What if it belongs to Sho-kun?"
Nino cracked up. "Why would we be in the shower with Sho?"
"I don't know! It'd be crazy! But what if it was Sho-kun's?"
Maybe he didn't mind sharing the shower if it meant that he and his best friend got to nearly drown laughing.
2. 'I've blown Aiba-chan.'
Quite aside from the fact that it sounds bad enough all on its own, if Nino says this it causes Aiba to tell the story behind it and Jun has threatened to hang himself if he has to hear the story about the leaf-blower even one more time.
(But, Aiba will protest, it was great how MatsuJun just came right over to rescue me! And Ohno will then say that he would have come right over to rescue Aiba AND he would have brought Sho with…only it was Nino who called him and not Aiba and Nino was laughing too hard to be understood.)
3. 'Sho's most amazing talent is…being able to kiss like a stud even with a vibrating ass!'
Night One
"You looked really into the kissing scene, I thought."
"Sixteen seconds! Master!"
"Was it hard to concentrate with us in the audience?"
"Nope. Not at all. It was good to know you were there—it made me work even harder."
"…really."
"Ye—no. What was that look?"
"What look?"
"Jun-kun, you saw it, right?"
"Huh? No."
"I didn't see anything!"
"Aiba says he's coming tomorrow night, by the way."
Night Two
"Aiba-chan, did it work?"
"I hugged him right before he went onstage. And it's in his front pocket so that he can't easily hide pulling it out."
"We humbly bow before you!"
"Okay, they're starting. I'll text you when that part starts!"
4 Messages Received
From: Aiba-chan
----Message----
Do your best, Sho-kun! You've been doing really great so far and I'm really enjoying your play!
----End----
8:23.58pm
From: Leader
----Message----
Sixteen seconds? It doesn't seem like that long, does it? Except when you're watching somebody kiss, it is a long time. Does it feel long when you're doing it? Let me know. But don't text back during the show, okay? That'd be bad.
----End----
8:24.05pm
From: Nino
----Message----
Is it distracting yet?
----End----
8:24.09 pm
From: MatsuJun
----Message----
No matter what they said, it wasn't my idea.
----End----
8:24.15pm
4. 'But it's not just me! We've all had our hands down Captain's pants.'
Aiba hid behind an ancient copy of 'Wink Up' as Jun stormed into the green room.
"Where is it?" he demanded.
Nino lounged across Sho, hitting buttons on his DS. Aiba scrunched down even further. Ohno sighed in his sleep. Sho took the bait. "Where's what?"
"My change for the coffee machine. My emergency change for the coffee machine."
Aiba squinted his eyes nearly shut and focused hard on KAT-TUN's messages because the alternative was—for once—actually worse.
"Haven't seen it," Sho said. "Everybody knows not to touch your emergency coffee fund."
"You said you were giving up coffee," Nino said.
Ohno remained asleep on the couch.
Aiba could feel Jun's eyes land on him. "Aiba-chan?" Jun asked in a very nice voice that actually meant DANGER. "Do you know where my stash of emergency coffee change happens to be?"
"Hey, did you know Nishikido Ryo left a Wink Up for Akanishi Jin saying 'I like you'?" he asked desperately.
"Aiba-chan?" Jun said in an even more pleasant voice that was really worthy of VERY DANGER. Coffeeless Jun was possibly even scarier than studying-for-finals Sho.
Nino sprawled out across Sho even more. "You told us not to let you buy any coffee," he said and Aiba lowered the magazine to beam at him in relief.
"Where. Is. My. Coffee. Money."
"I'm not telling and you'll never guess."
Which, Aiba reflected, was a stupid thing for Nino to say because the very first place Jun looked was over at Captain, sleeping face down on the couch, his jeans resting low on his hips. It was an impressive full-body shudder, though. "Oi, Captain," he said, crouching beside him and shaking Ohno's shoulder gently. "Captain."
"Gross," Sho said to Nino, pushing Nino off his lap. To Jun, he said, "You can't wake him. He was out fishing last night because he forgot we had the shoot today. He hasn't slept since the night before last."
Jun looked at each of them.
"Too much coffee really is bad for you," Aiba told him seriously. "Really. It keeps you up at night. And you should sleep more. We just want for you to be healthy!"
DANGER, thought Aiba. VERY, VERY DANGER.
5: 'I'm moving to America.'
"Okay, we've got prep questions for the next interview. 'Where do you see yourself in five years?' That's a stupid question," Sho opined with a roll of his eyes.
Jun grinned. "That is a stupid question."
"America," Nino said, glaring at his DS. "I'm gonna make a ton of movies and win an Oscar."
Jun wasn't ready for the sinking-stone feeling in his chest and even less prepared for what happened next. It wasn't so much Aiba dropping his ice-cream (though Aiba and ice-cream had a special relationship that normally involved ice-cream obeying his every whim) or that Sho punched Nino in the shoulder so hard that Nino yelped in real pain. The unexpected part was that Captain just sat there and looked at his hands. So Jun asked the question. "Really?"
Nino rubbed his shoulder and glared at Sho. "In America I didn't have to put up with this kind of abuse," he said darkly.
"Me too," Captain said quietly and Jun realized that Captain was crying. "I missed you every single day you were gone. So if Nino-chan goes to America, I'll go there too.
Jun stared. Nino AND Captain? He looked at Sho. Sho looked back at him in utter confusion. And then the really unexpected thing happened.
"HELL NO," Aiba shouted. "We're ARASHI. We're gonna BE Arashi until we're wrinkly, gray, stooped, stupid old men so nobody is moving to America."
"MatsuJun is gonna go gray?"
"I am not!"
"OH, YES YOU ARE," Aiba turned on him. "You're going to go gray and then bald because Captain and Nino and me and Sho-chan are going to drive you crazy. And probably Nino will hide your hair dye, too. And we're all gonna forget all of our dance moves and all of our lyrics…"
"To everything but A-ra-shi," Sho muttered under his breath.
"EXACTLY," Aiba shouted. "BECAUSE WE'RE SUPER-OLD ARASHI."
"Ai-chan," Nino left off patting Captain's back and reached out to Aiba. "Ai-chan, I only meant that I was going to make a lot of movies and win an Oscar."
"NO YOU WON'T!" Aiba shrieked.
"I'm not moving! I'm really not! I didn't mean to say I was!"
"I WILL TIE YOU AND CAPTAIN TO ME, DO YOU HEAR ME?"
Five Things Nino is Forbidden to Say in an Interview
1. 'I have washed every part of (insert Arashi member name here) in the bath.'
"Hey," Aiba shifted in the bed, nudging Nino with his foot. "Help me up, okay?"
Nino shifted and sat on Aiba's feet. "No way. Your mom said that the hospital said that you're supposed to stay in bed. Plus, your mom wouldn't even kill me herself. She'd tell my mom and then my mom would kill me.
Aiba grimaced and pushed himself up to fully sitting, then swung his legs out from under the covers so he, like Nino, was sitting at the edge of the bed. "I need a bath. I'm clear through 'yucky' and sneaking into 'icky'. Just help me to the bathroom, all right?" Nino wavered. "I feel all gross."
"If she kills me…" Nino said, but he was sliding up under Aiba's arm as they got to their feet. "You shower while I run the bath."
*
"Jun-kun. Junnosuke. Matsujun. Matsujunjunjun. MATSUJUN!" Nino leaned tiredly against the door of the hotel bathroom. He was exhausted from jet-lag, wrung out from the concert, and Jun had been in their shared bathroom for nearly half an hour already. "If you don't open the door, I'm coming in there and shower-sharing with you." He and Jun were sharing the room, he thought, and he was sure he'd have noticed if Jun had somehow left the bathroom. He glanced at Jun's bed. "Really, I'll come in there!"
There was no answer and so he twisted the knob. "Coming in," he warned.
Jun was still in the bathroom. He was naked and asleep on his feet, propped up by the towel bar.
"Stupid," Nino muttered. "Don't we tell you to sleep more?" He ignored Jun for the moment and went to the bath. It was one of those weird tub-shower combinations and so a shower would have to do. He spent a minute fiddling with the water, trying to get the right temperature. Jun liked his showers scalding and Nino preferred his to be blistering. When he had it right, he stripped down and then went to Jun. "Hey, c'mon."
Jun let himself be led into the water, reviving just enough to give Nino a smile as Nino pushed him under the spray.
*
"Naaaaa! You and 'nii-chan were in the shower together last night! You were really loud and laughing a lot and 'nee-chan says that 'nii-chan's clothes were all covered with throw up!"
Nino blinked blearily at Sho's little brother. "Huh?"
"An' you wouldn't let my mom in at all!"
He tried to sit up, hampered by an excited grade-schooler and a hangover-headache that threaten to burst its way out of his head by way of his eyes. "Huh?" He glanced down at himself. He was in Sho's room, in Sho's bed, and wearing a pair of Sho's pajamas. "Where's my phone?"
Sho's brother slid off of him, ran out of the room, and ran back a moment later. "Here! What're you gonna do?"
He dialed home. "Mom?" he said. He couldn't remember if he'd called last night to say he was staying over but he didn't want to take a chance on his mother worrying over him.
"Do you know the trouble you've put Sakurai-san's mother through?" his mother demanded. "Letting you boys in to the house in the middle of the night, cleaning up the bathroom, dressing you…"
He winced and held his phone away from his ear, gratefully accepting the aspirin that Sho brought to him.
*
"Oh-chan! Wait your turn!"
"It's big enough for two! And anyway, I'm Leader, right?"
"I don't care if you're Leader! You should wait your turn!"
"But I'm already wet!"
Nino pushed his hair out of his face and looked at Ohno. Ohno was wet. His hair, normally spiked up, was plastered across his forehead. He looked like the Leader he had been when they'd first debuted, with his hair like that.
"All right, all right. But next time, share with Jun. I want to hear him scream, okay?"
"Okay!"
The problem was that there really wasn't room for two, Nino decided after Ohno nearly nailed him in the eye with an elbow for the third time. "There isn't room for two. Not two people without black-eyes, anyhow," he told him.
"Sorry!" Ohno muttered. "I'm trying to stay out of your way."
"Well, it's not working." Nino sucked on his lower lip for a moment. "Okay, don't take this wrong, but I think we'd better each wash what we can comfortably reach no matter who it belongs to."
"What if it belongs to Sho-kun?"
Nino cracked up. "Why would we be in the shower with Sho?"
"I don't know! It'd be crazy! But what if it was Sho-kun's?"
Maybe he didn't mind sharing the shower if it meant that he and his best friend got to nearly drown laughing.
1a: Corollary: Nino cannot in any way indicate that he has been in the bath with ALL of Arashi.
2. 'I've blown Aiba-chan.'
Quite aside from the fact that it sounds bad enough all on its own, if Nino says this it causes Aiba to tell the story behind it and Jun has threatened to hang himself if he has to hear the story about the leaf-blower even one more time.
(But, Aiba will protest, it was great how MatsuJun just came right over to rescue me! And Ohno will then say that he would have come right over to rescue Aiba AND he would have brought Sho with…only it was Nino who called him and not Aiba and Nino was laughing too hard to be understood.)
3. 'Sho's most amazing talent is…being able to kiss like a stud even with a vibrating ass!'
Night One
"You looked really into the kissing scene, I thought."
"Sixteen seconds! Master!"
"Was it hard to concentrate with us in the audience?"
"Nope. Not at all. It was good to know you were there—it made me work even harder."
"…really."
"Ye—no. What was that look?"
"What look?"
"Jun-kun, you saw it, right?"
"Huh? No."
"I didn't see anything!"
"Aiba says he's coming tomorrow night, by the way."
Night Two
"Aiba-chan, did it work?"
"I hugged him right before he went onstage. And it's in his front pocket so that he can't easily hide pulling it out."
"We humbly bow before you!"
"Okay, they're starting. I'll text you when that part starts!"
4 Messages Received
From: Aiba-chan
----Message----
Do your best, Sho-kun! You've been doing really great so far and I'm really enjoying your play!
----End----
8:23.58pm
From: Leader
----Message----
Sixteen seconds? It doesn't seem like that long, does it? Except when you're watching somebody kiss, it is a long time. Does it feel long when you're doing it? Let me know. But don't text back during the show, okay? That'd be bad.
----End----
8:24.05pm
From: Nino
----Message----
Is it distracting yet?
----End----
8:24.09 pm
From: MatsuJun
----Message----
No matter what they said, it wasn't my idea.
----End----
8:24.15pm
4. 'But it's not just me! We've all had our hands down Captain's pants.'
Aiba hid behind an ancient copy of 'Wink Up' as Jun stormed into the green room.
"Where is it?" he demanded.
Nino lounged across Sho, hitting buttons on his DS. Aiba scrunched down even further. Ohno sighed in his sleep. Sho took the bait. "Where's what?"
"My change for the coffee machine. My emergency change for the coffee machine."
Aiba squinted his eyes nearly shut and focused hard on KAT-TUN's messages because the alternative was—for once—actually worse.
"Haven't seen it," Sho said. "Everybody knows not to touch your emergency coffee fund."
"You said you were giving up coffee," Nino said.
Ohno remained asleep on the couch.
Aiba could feel Jun's eyes land on him. "Aiba-chan?" Jun asked in a very nice voice that actually meant DANGER. "Do you know where my stash of emergency coffee change happens to be?"
"Hey, did you know Nishikido Ryo left a Wink Up for Akanishi Jin saying 'I like you'?" he asked desperately.
"Aiba-chan?" Jun said in an even more pleasant voice that was really worthy of VERY DANGER. Coffeeless Jun was possibly even scarier than studying-for-finals Sho.
Nino sprawled out across Sho even more. "You told us not to let you buy any coffee," he said and Aiba lowered the magazine to beam at him in relief.
"Where. Is. My. Coffee. Money."
"I'm not telling and you'll never guess."
Which, Aiba reflected, was a stupid thing for Nino to say because the very first place Jun looked was over at Captain, sleeping face down on the couch, his jeans resting low on his hips. It was an impressive full-body shudder, though. "Oi, Captain," he said, crouching beside him and shaking Ohno's shoulder gently. "Captain."
"Gross," Sho said to Nino, pushing Nino off his lap. To Jun, he said, "You can't wake him. He was out fishing last night because he forgot we had the shoot today. He hasn't slept since the night before last."
Jun looked at each of them.
"Too much coffee really is bad for you," Aiba told him seriously. "Really. It keeps you up at night. And you should sleep more. We just want for you to be healthy!"
DANGER, thought Aiba. VERY, VERY DANGER.
5: 'I'm moving to America.'
"Okay, we've got prep questions for the next interview. 'Where do you see yourself in five years?' That's a stupid question," Sho opined with a roll of his eyes.
Jun grinned. "That is a stupid question."
"America," Nino said, glaring at his DS. "I'm gonna make a ton of movies and win an Oscar."
Jun wasn't ready for the sinking-stone feeling in his chest and even less prepared for what happened next. It wasn't so much Aiba dropping his ice-cream (though Aiba and ice-cream had a special relationship that normally involved ice-cream obeying his every whim) or that Sho punched Nino in the shoulder so hard that Nino yelped in real pain. The unexpected part was that Captain just sat there and looked at his hands. So Jun asked the question. "Really?"
Nino rubbed his shoulder and glared at Sho. "In America I didn't have to put up with this kind of abuse," he said darkly.
"Me too," Captain said quietly and Jun realized that Captain was crying. "I missed you every single day you were gone. So if Nino-chan goes to America, I'll go there too.
Jun stared. Nino AND Captain? He looked at Sho. Sho looked back at him in utter confusion. And then the really unexpected thing happened.
"HELL NO," Aiba shouted. "We're ARASHI. We're gonna BE Arashi until we're wrinkly, gray, stooped, stupid old men so nobody is moving to America."
"MatsuJun is gonna go gray?"
"I am not!"
"OH, YES YOU ARE," Aiba turned on him. "You're going to go gray and then bald because Captain and Nino and me and Sho-chan are going to drive you crazy. And probably Nino will hide your hair dye, too. And we're all gonna forget all of our dance moves and all of our lyrics…"
"To everything but A-ra-shi," Sho muttered under his breath.
"EXACTLY," Aiba shouted. "BECAUSE WE'RE SUPER-OLD ARASHI."
"Ai-chan," Nino left off patting Captain's back and reached out to Aiba. "Ai-chan, I only meant that I was going to make a lot of movies and win an Oscar."
"NO YOU WON'T!" Aiba shrieked.
"I'm not moving! I'm really not! I didn't mean to say I was!"
"I WILL TIE YOU AND CAPTAIN TO ME, DO YOU HEAR ME?"
5a. Because it takes an hour, half a sleeping pill, and a hug from everybody to make Aiba calm down again.