ciircee: (Pon!)
[personal profile] ciircee
Yay! Andii has Leveled Up! Happy birthday!

Since I am lame I can only give you one of the rejected opening scenes from Sho and the Stripper Pole Vs Sho's Bandmates Who Totally Have This Coming to Them!

The first thing Nino did when handed the prospectus for their new calendar was to call Ohno. "Oh-chan, they're making me cut myself. I think I'm going to commit suicide."

"Jun's got peacocks," Ohno said. "Do you think Aiba is going to get live peacocks?"

Nino frowned at his phone. "He's Aiba—he'll probably try. Hold on, I've got another call."

The first thing Aiba did when he got the information was to call Nino. "Live peacocks," he said.

"Hold on a second," Nino told him.

Nino punched the hold button on his phone. "He's definitely going to try," he reported to Ohno.

The first thing Ohno did after opening his copy of the prospectus beyond page three was to hang up on Nino and call Jun. "Matsujun," he asked, flipping through the sheaf of papers, "do you like birds?"

"Are you Aiba now?" Jun asked him. "Besides, I don't think he'll be able to get them. Did you see that Nino is killing himself?"

"In the rain," Ohno said agreeably. "How come Sho is a hooker?"

Jun choked.

"Hold on, Aiba," Nino said, "I've got another call."

"Sho's a hooker," Ohno told him before he managed to get out a 'hello'.

"Oh-chan, he's just slutty," Nino reassured him. He scanned pages until he came to Sho's section. "Oh, and a stripper." He paused, studying the concept drawings. "I have to put you on hold for a second."

"He's not a hooker," Jun said when Ohno reconnected.

"Nino says he's a slut," Ohno told him.

"Nino has always been a slut," Jun informed him. "Did you see that they made Sho a stripper? Who comes up with these?"

"I'm gonna stick money down Sho's pants," Aiba said gleefully.

"Me too," Nino said. "Cold, hard cash."

"…" said Aiba skeptically.

"Change," Nino explained. "Ice-cold coins right down his butt-crack."

Jun's first action after looking through the calendar spread was to call Aiba. "As you've probably noticed, Sho is going to be a stripper in our next calendar."

"I thought he was a hooker," Aiba confessed. "But strippers are way cheaper, right?"

"You are not sticking money in Sho's pants. It's going to be bad enough for him having to smile and try to look sexy in those pictures—he doesn't need you to make him feel even more uncomfortable."

"Do you think he'd feel better if I was naked, too?"

"Nino?" Ohno asked his phone uncertainly.

"Do you think Jun is going to try to protect Sho's g-string from my money?" Nino asked.

"You guys, I am right here," Sho said aggrievedly. He opened his lunch and looked at his bandmates who were sitting around the table with him

All of them shut their phones in one, resounding click.

"Hey, Sho," said Aiba. "Lunch is here already? You guys, lunch is here!"

"So," said Jun, breaking his chopsticks apart. "Have you had a chance to look through the calendar spread? Interesting stuff in there."

"It's like they want me to have a good day," Nino said.

"I want a lap dance," Ohno requested.

"Why am I always the butt of these sorts of jokes?" Sho asked mournfully.

"Because you have a fantastic ass?"

The very first thing Sho did when he got home from work was to get slightly drunk and surf the internet.

Then he made a plan.

And a list.
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November 2012

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