Real Life Update
Jul. 7th, 2010 07:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ciirceeYeah, I have REALLY not been around. I look in from time to time but I've kind of...not been much with the internet. And I keep thinking 'I should do a post so everybody knows what's going on and why I'm not around!' and then I think '...fuck, but I do not want to subject them to my crap!'.
So
Okay, it all started with my Mom's stroke and death. I've been hit a lot with the whole 'stages of grief' thing. I once got furiously angry with a lady I work with because her mom is ninety-six. My mom was seventy. I had to leave the break room and take a walk outside instead of eating lunch. Now translate that to all five stages of grief and you'll have me for the last few months. Mostly crazy but at least aware of it and unwilling to take it out on anybody else.
Next, my son. My ADD son is not only ADD. He had a full-day work up and his problems are deep and wide. In fact, we got hit with two other syndromes, a list of professionals to contact to help us with his therapy (because he needs interventive therapy), a list of professionals to put into contact with his school about more therapy and learning/coping strategies, AND he's color blind. That's the part that bugs him most.
Major appliances have dropped like flies. Four of them. In less than three months.
My house needs to be re-wired. Almost completely. Because it's not up to code. And a fire hazard. Plus, lights in half my house aren't working. Such as the one in the bathroom.
My renal-failure cat died.
Skyla's dad, Jermey, has been drinking. A lot. Just like Bridget did before she killed herself.
And so on and so forth and it never rains but DAMN does it pour. So Ed and I continue to be as upbeat as we can be because this won't last forever and we'll be on even keel again soon. But it's draining. And I can either use my energy to keep it together for the family or I can stay up and go online. Mostly, I am of the 'keeping it together, sleeping like a MOFO' choices.
BUT!
You guys have no clue how much of a touchstone you are for me, how much strength I pull from knowing you're out there. I have letters, PMs, e-mails, comments, pictures--I printed the electronic stuff out on different colored papers and push-pinned all of it to my wall like a rainbow. I press my hand against them before I leave my room in the morning and I take a deep breath and I go about my day. I do it again before I go to work or after I retreat to halfway break-down. You're all there for me and even if I haven't returned crap all, I want you to know that I WILL but until then, I'm still leaning on you. There are very truly not words for how much you all mean to me.
AND, that said: I am slowly, oh so slowly, making my way back to the net.
So
Okay, it all started with my Mom's stroke and death. I've been hit a lot with the whole 'stages of grief' thing. I once got furiously angry with a lady I work with because her mom is ninety-six. My mom was seventy. I had to leave the break room and take a walk outside instead of eating lunch. Now translate that to all five stages of grief and you'll have me for the last few months. Mostly crazy but at least aware of it and unwilling to take it out on anybody else.
Next, my son. My ADD son is not only ADD. He had a full-day work up and his problems are deep and wide. In fact, we got hit with two other syndromes, a list of professionals to contact to help us with his therapy (because he needs interventive therapy), a list of professionals to put into contact with his school about more therapy and learning/coping strategies, AND he's color blind. That's the part that bugs him most.
Major appliances have dropped like flies. Four of them. In less than three months.
My house needs to be re-wired. Almost completely. Because it's not up to code. And a fire hazard. Plus, lights in half my house aren't working. Such as the one in the bathroom.
My renal-failure cat died.
Skyla's dad, Jermey, has been drinking. A lot. Just like Bridget did before she killed herself.
And so on and so forth and it never rains but DAMN does it pour. So Ed and I continue to be as upbeat as we can be because this won't last forever and we'll be on even keel again soon. But it's draining. And I can either use my energy to keep it together for the family or I can stay up and go online. Mostly, I am of the 'keeping it together, sleeping like a MOFO' choices.
BUT!
You guys have no clue how much of a touchstone you are for me, how much strength I pull from knowing you're out there. I have letters, PMs, e-mails, comments, pictures--I printed the electronic stuff out on different colored papers and push-pinned all of it to my wall like a rainbow. I press my hand against them before I leave my room in the morning and I take a deep breath and I go about my day. I do it again before I go to work or after I retreat to halfway break-down. You're all there for me and even if I haven't returned crap all, I want you to know that I WILL but until then, I'm still leaning on you. There are very truly not words for how much you all mean to me.
AND, that said: I am slowly, oh so slowly, making my way back to the net.