(no subject)
Jun. 11th, 2009 04:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ciirceeApparently when I have a looming deadline (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
je_fqfest ;___;) I write over-emotional crap instead of crying and panicking like a normal person.
This relates to Aki's present but is not, alas, porno. I'm supposed to be writing porno (that is not related to Ohno's sex-demoning ways or the twisted things Jun did with those other two) but instead I wrote this.
At least I only wasted an hour?
More Than Heaven
Nino isn't Sho's first.
Sho has been a guardian angel for a time longer than human memory has stretched. He had seen the monkeys come down out of the trees and he has watched over them ever since. He's seen his charges grow up and grow old and die. He's watched some of them die young, some horribly. He has guided their souls to Heaven and watched them leave him forever. A guardian angel never knew what happened to his charge once they had reached the Gate. Sho had never had a problem letting go.
Nino isn't Sho's first and he's not even the first whose future Sho has known before it comes to pass. He's not the first young man to die of a massive infection raging in the blood.
Sho doesn't know why it feels like he is.
"You look sad today," Nino says from his hospital bed. All the doctors and nurses are surprised that Nino is still conscious, able to talk and laugh and sometimes visit with the other nearby patients. Sho isn't. Nino is a miracle all by himself.
Sho also isn't sure to whom Nino is talking. He glances over his shoulder.
Nino smiles, like he'd seen. "You," Nino says. "You look sad today."
He's known Nino since before Nino has known himself and Sho is certain that Nino cannot see beyond the human world. Absolutely certain. Still, he points at himself and says, "Me?"
Nino's smile widens. "You," he repeats.
"You can see me?" Sho asks in surprise.
Nino outright grins. "I can see lots of things."
"No you can't," Sho tells him. He's been there every day of Nino's life. He has walked him home from school, trying to shield him from the taunts of bullies and helped him to not miss his train to work. Nino can't see him.
"There's a tanuki down the hall with a pin in his chest. If you sing the song he'll laugh and do the bura-bura part. He changes into all sorts of things when the nurses aren't looking."
Sho can't help asking. "How can you—?"
"Because," Nino looks at him with suddenly solemn eyes, "because I'm dying. Right?"
Turning on the spot, Sho goes to Heaven.
"I'm sorry," says Higashiyama.
And Sho doesn't understand. "I've never asked before," he says. "Not for any of the others. This boy—he isn't even anyone…special. Important." They are the wrong words. Nino is both of those things. "He'll never change the world."
Higashiyama looks regretful. "This is his fate," he says, laying his hand over Nino's page in the Book.
Sho can see all the things, all the words and lines, that created Nino. He can see the words that describe him, define him, the words written by the world and by Nino, and the hand of God. And Sho can see that the Book does not contain Nino. There is no picture of the baby born with the grumpy frown, the toddler who slept with his blanket over his face, the little boy with his games, the teenager with his guitar, the young man with his foxy, sly grin to cover his sweet smile. "Please," is all he can say.
The Book closes softly and Higashiyama has serenity even in his sympathy. "You have grown fond of this one," he says. "Perhaps this early parting is a blessing for you."
No, thinks Sho.
"You're back," Nino says. His voice is hoarse in a way that Sho knows means Nino has been crying.
"Of course I am," Sho says gently, going to Nino's side. "This is the first time I've gone to a place you couldn't follow."
"That's creepy," Nino says with a trembling smile.
Sho does not touch the tear tracks on Nino's cheeks. Instead he crouches beside the head of the bed, his chin resting on his folded arms as he looks at Nino's face. It is so dear and familiar, even in its sorrow. "Why are you sad?" he asks.
Nino's smile trembles but grows stronger. "I'm not. It's just the first time somebody told me the truth. That I'm dying. I'm really happy."
It is such a painful lie and yet Nino makes it sound soft and honest.
A nurse comes in, injects yet another medicine into Nino's IV bag.
Sho has only questions for Nino. "Why would you say that?" he asks.
Nino's eyes start to go heavy from the powerful medicine. "I can see you," he says, his voice drifting quieter and quieter. "My grandfather said…" He falls into sleep before he can finish, before Sho can tell him that's not what he meant.
The night passes, the next day, and Nino doesn't wake until the next night enters its full darkness. "Do you have a name?" he asks.
An angel's true name is a secret, a sacred thing. It is not for humans, not even for the other angels. Sho tells him and realizes only as he says it how very lonely his name sounds.
Nino mispronounces it, as any human mouth would, and Sho laughs.
"Shut up, Sho," says Nino before falling asleep again.
His name doesn't sound so lonely when Nino says it.
Nino sleeps and doesn't wake.
There is nobody who expects that he will.
Sho touches him and fills him with grace until his eyes open again. "Nino," he says quietly.
"Sho," Nino says. His smile is only a suggestion of his eyes and a shadow on his lips. Everything about Nino is faint and dim, fading. "Do you love me?" he asks.
Love is a mortal emotion and Sho has only ever known it as that, as something imperfect compared to the passion of angels. But he understands it now and it is not imperfect.
"Since before you were born," Sho tells Nino "and every day after."
"Stay with me," Nino murmurs, the grace failing. "I don't want to die alone."
"You won't die," Sho tells him. Nino is beyond speech but Sho can see him so clearly, shining like stars in the sky. "I promise you; I won't let you die."
In his arms, Nino succumbs to the darkness.
Each angel has a single golden feather, a symbol of glory, delicate and deep and beautiful.
Sho tears his out and uses the blood that comes with it as ink. In the Book he crosses out Nino's dying words, the words that trace the way to his death, and writes in their place words of living, writing them over and over even as Heaven quakes. Each word written sets another into his skin and each one carves at his heart. He keeps writing until the others come.
Higashiyama's look is indecipherable. He takes the feather and Sho lets him. What he has done cannot be undone. Where Nino lives cannot come death. "Sho," Higashiyama says, "what have you done?"
"Fallen," Sho answers simply.
Nino wakes with the dawn, yawning and stretching. Sho can see the moment where Nino realizes that he is alive. Fully alive. "Good morning," he says quietly.
"What the hell?" says Nino.
Sho shushes him. "Quietly. It's not visiting hours and I'll get kicked out."
"What the fucking hell?" Nino whispers.
"You're healed," Sho tells him. "I told you that you weren't going to die."
Nino punches him on the arm. "Idiot!" he hisses. "What did you do to yourself? Your wings are black and your eyes aren't blue anymore and you've got a tattoo."
Sho touches his face. He can feel the blood-colored words, somehow smoother than then the rest of his skin, and knows that they curl all along the side of his face, down his neck, and down across his chest, the last word over his heart. "Heaven's got a strict policy about some stuff," he tells Nino. He thinks that later his heart will break for this, for what he's lost, but for now there is only room for Nino.
Nino who somehow, impossibly, knows. "You idiot," he says again. He links their hands, laces their fingers, and they sit in silence. "What is it?" he asks later. "It looks like writing…"
"Angelic script," Sho answers.
"Does it say 'mother'?" Nino asks with a wicked smile. Sho returns Nino's punch on the arm, lightly. Nino laughs at him. "Sissy," he says. Then, "No, really—what's it mean?"
Cast from Heaven, May God have Mercy upon this Mortal Soul is what it says. But Nino asked its meaning and so Sho answers. "Life."
***
Yeah, I was seriously tempted to call this 'I've Fallen, and I Can't Get Up!'.
One Moment of Sho-Jun (and Aiba) in this same AU. With some Ohmiya cameos.
ETA: If anybody wants to read some actually awesome guardian angel fic, you can read this and the fic it links to. Because it is amazing--as Erin's work tends to be, I might add--and it is not nearly so heavy as this. Seriously, go give it a read.
ETA2:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
karmade drew fanart for this. Why are people so amazing to me?
je_fqfest ;___;) I write over-emotional crap instead of crying and panicking like a normal person. This relates to Aki's present but is not, alas, porno. I'm supposed to be writing porno (that is not related to Ohno's sex-demoning ways or the twisted things Jun did with those other two) but instead I wrote this.
At least I only wasted an hour?
More Than Heaven
Nino isn't Sho's first.
Sho has been a guardian angel for a time longer than human memory has stretched. He had seen the monkeys come down out of the trees and he has watched over them ever since. He's seen his charges grow up and grow old and die. He's watched some of them die young, some horribly. He has guided their souls to Heaven and watched them leave him forever. A guardian angel never knew what happened to his charge once they had reached the Gate. Sho had never had a problem letting go.
Nino isn't Sho's first and he's not even the first whose future Sho has known before it comes to pass. He's not the first young man to die of a massive infection raging in the blood.
Sho doesn't know why it feels like he is.
"You look sad today," Nino says from his hospital bed. All the doctors and nurses are surprised that Nino is still conscious, able to talk and laugh and sometimes visit with the other nearby patients. Sho isn't. Nino is a miracle all by himself.
Sho also isn't sure to whom Nino is talking. He glances over his shoulder.
Nino smiles, like he'd seen. "You," Nino says. "You look sad today."
He's known Nino since before Nino has known himself and Sho is certain that Nino cannot see beyond the human world. Absolutely certain. Still, he points at himself and says, "Me?"
Nino's smile widens. "You," he repeats.
"You can see me?" Sho asks in surprise.
Nino outright grins. "I can see lots of things."
"No you can't," Sho tells him. He's been there every day of Nino's life. He has walked him home from school, trying to shield him from the taunts of bullies and helped him to not miss his train to work. Nino can't see him.
"There's a tanuki down the hall with a pin in his chest. If you sing the song he'll laugh and do the bura-bura part. He changes into all sorts of things when the nurses aren't looking."
Sho can't help asking. "How can you—?"
"Because," Nino looks at him with suddenly solemn eyes, "because I'm dying. Right?"
Turning on the spot, Sho goes to Heaven.
"I'm sorry," says Higashiyama.
And Sho doesn't understand. "I've never asked before," he says. "Not for any of the others. This boy—he isn't even anyone…special. Important." They are the wrong words. Nino is both of those things. "He'll never change the world."
Higashiyama looks regretful. "This is his fate," he says, laying his hand over Nino's page in the Book.
Sho can see all the things, all the words and lines, that created Nino. He can see the words that describe him, define him, the words written by the world and by Nino, and the hand of God. And Sho can see that the Book does not contain Nino. There is no picture of the baby born with the grumpy frown, the toddler who slept with his blanket over his face, the little boy with his games, the teenager with his guitar, the young man with his foxy, sly grin to cover his sweet smile. "Please," is all he can say.
The Book closes softly and Higashiyama has serenity even in his sympathy. "You have grown fond of this one," he says. "Perhaps this early parting is a blessing for you."
No, thinks Sho.
"You're back," Nino says. His voice is hoarse in a way that Sho knows means Nino has been crying.
"Of course I am," Sho says gently, going to Nino's side. "This is the first time I've gone to a place you couldn't follow."
"That's creepy," Nino says with a trembling smile.
Sho does not touch the tear tracks on Nino's cheeks. Instead he crouches beside the head of the bed, his chin resting on his folded arms as he looks at Nino's face. It is so dear and familiar, even in its sorrow. "Why are you sad?" he asks.
Nino's smile trembles but grows stronger. "I'm not. It's just the first time somebody told me the truth. That I'm dying. I'm really happy."
It is such a painful lie and yet Nino makes it sound soft and honest.
A nurse comes in, injects yet another medicine into Nino's IV bag.
Sho has only questions for Nino. "Why would you say that?" he asks.
Nino's eyes start to go heavy from the powerful medicine. "I can see you," he says, his voice drifting quieter and quieter. "My grandfather said…" He falls into sleep before he can finish, before Sho can tell him that's not what he meant.
The night passes, the next day, and Nino doesn't wake until the next night enters its full darkness. "Do you have a name?" he asks.
An angel's true name is a secret, a sacred thing. It is not for humans, not even for the other angels. Sho tells him and realizes only as he says it how very lonely his name sounds.
Nino mispronounces it, as any human mouth would, and Sho laughs.
"Shut up, Sho," says Nino before falling asleep again.
His name doesn't sound so lonely when Nino says it.
Nino sleeps and doesn't wake.
There is nobody who expects that he will.
Sho touches him and fills him with grace until his eyes open again. "Nino," he says quietly.
"Sho," Nino says. His smile is only a suggestion of his eyes and a shadow on his lips. Everything about Nino is faint and dim, fading. "Do you love me?" he asks.
Love is a mortal emotion and Sho has only ever known it as that, as something imperfect compared to the passion of angels. But he understands it now and it is not imperfect.
"Since before you were born," Sho tells Nino "and every day after."
"Stay with me," Nino murmurs, the grace failing. "I don't want to die alone."
"You won't die," Sho tells him. Nino is beyond speech but Sho can see him so clearly, shining like stars in the sky. "I promise you; I won't let you die."
In his arms, Nino succumbs to the darkness.
Each angel has a single golden feather, a symbol of glory, delicate and deep and beautiful.
Sho tears his out and uses the blood that comes with it as ink. In the Book he crosses out Nino's dying words, the words that trace the way to his death, and writes in their place words of living, writing them over and over even as Heaven quakes. Each word written sets another into his skin and each one carves at his heart. He keeps writing until the others come.
Higashiyama's look is indecipherable. He takes the feather and Sho lets him. What he has done cannot be undone. Where Nino lives cannot come death. "Sho," Higashiyama says, "what have you done?"
"Fallen," Sho answers simply.
Nino wakes with the dawn, yawning and stretching. Sho can see the moment where Nino realizes that he is alive. Fully alive. "Good morning," he says quietly.
"What the hell?" says Nino.
Sho shushes him. "Quietly. It's not visiting hours and I'll get kicked out."
"What the fucking hell?" Nino whispers.
"You're healed," Sho tells him. "I told you that you weren't going to die."
Nino punches him on the arm. "Idiot!" he hisses. "What did you do to yourself? Your wings are black and your eyes aren't blue anymore and you've got a tattoo."
Sho touches his face. He can feel the blood-colored words, somehow smoother than then the rest of his skin, and knows that they curl all along the side of his face, down his neck, and down across his chest, the last word over his heart. "Heaven's got a strict policy about some stuff," he tells Nino. He thinks that later his heart will break for this, for what he's lost, but for now there is only room for Nino.
Nino who somehow, impossibly, knows. "You idiot," he says again. He links their hands, laces their fingers, and they sit in silence. "What is it?" he asks later. "It looks like writing…"
"Angelic script," Sho answers.
"Does it say 'mother'?" Nino asks with a wicked smile. Sho returns Nino's punch on the arm, lightly. Nino laughs at him. "Sissy," he says. Then, "No, really—what's it mean?"
Cast from Heaven, May God have Mercy upon this Mortal Soul is what it says. But Nino asked its meaning and so Sho answers. "Life."
***
Yeah, I was seriously tempted to call this 'I've Fallen, and I Can't Get Up!'.
One Moment of Sho-Jun (and Aiba) in this same AU. With some Ohmiya cameos.
ETA: If anybody wants to read some actually awesome guardian angel fic, you can read this and the fic it links to. Because it is amazing--as Erin's work tends to be, I might add--and it is not nearly so heavy as this. Seriously, go give it a read.
ETA2:
karmade drew fanart for this. Why are people so amazing to me?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-11 09:29 pm (UTC)i have no words...i've been doing that a lot lately...
this was so good. i don't think i could even comment properly...
and also, hi! *waves* stalker here, i think i've read all your fiction as well, i found you through waxrose, aatash, primroseshows and probably other arashi fandom writers as well. i haven't commented before and i'm sorry. i've just been reading and being in awe.
but i thought i should come out from hiding. because this was GOOD.
leaving now.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 03:22 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-11 09:41 pm (UTC)I think my heart broke a little bit here.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 03:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-11 10:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 03:25 am (UTC)...biblical epic. I just mentally recast my Roman Catholic upbringing with JE idols and other Arashi-related people. And it was awesome.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-11 10:25 pm (UTC)._. So pretty
*speechless ;A;*
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 03:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-11 11:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 03:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-11 11:14 pm (UTC)poor Sho-kun, poor Nino ;_;
Soo prettyyy >
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 03:28 am (UTC)I'm glad you thought it was pretty!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-11 11:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 03:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-11 11:38 pm (UTC)I'm glad you decided to distract
usyourself with more of this little world. ♥Also, I've Fallen, and I Can't Get Up. LOLWIN.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 05:11 pm (UTC)(Nino does the 'fallen and can't get up' thing at Sho all the time. Sho makes his orz face and threatens that next time Aiba tries to hump Nino in his sleep, he will LET HIM DO IT instead of waking Nino up or distracting Aiba.)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 12:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 03:30 am (UTC)♥
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 12:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 03:30 am (UTC)Also: I love your icon. Nino's smile and Sho's mouth. Life is beautiful. ♥
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 12:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 03:31 am (UTC)gaybffs together.(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 02:10 am (UTC)I don't really have words.
It's just that powerful.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 03:32 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 02:12 am (UTC)I would do anything for looooveeeeee....
But aside from me ruining things in such a way, it was fantastic. The tattoo thing was just... guh. SAD.
YAY for ShoNeen pimpage! Thank you! ♥ You will be surprised to know I've actually started writing for sei_shoku. *gasp!*
Nothing for fqfest yet but I do finally have an idea, so YAY! :D
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 02:14 am (UTC)sakumiyayour amazing writing.(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 03:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 03:43 am (UTC)Your icon is adorable, by the way.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 04:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 01:58 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 05:26 am (UTC)This is SO going to my memories...
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 01:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 05:39 am (UTC)♥
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 01:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 06:46 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 02:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 10:46 am (UTC)"Fallen," Sho answers simply.
:(((( ♥! (Can't choose which emotion. =P)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 02:04 pm (UTC)I'm really glad you liked the story, though.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 11:44 am (UTC)My heart.
thank you for this, I loved every tiny bit of it ♥
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 02:06 pm (UTC)...man, my AUs are always such messed-up places. But they're happy together!
Why don't I have a Sakumiya icon for this??
Date: 2009-06-12 01:04 pm (UTC)*mems*
Re: Why don't I have a Sakumiya icon for this??
Date: 2009-06-12 02:13 pm (UTC)I have a (poorly hidden) love for Sho-do-loev-him-his-Nino so I'm really, really glad that other people love it, too.
I love how Sho takes loving on his Nino so seriously.
I felt a sudden urge to spam your comment area with concert Sakumiya ^^;
From:Re: I felt a sudden urge to spam your comment area with concert Sakumiya ^^;
From:Re: I felt a sudden urge to spam your comment area with concert Sakumiya ^^;
From:(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 05:00 pm (UTC)sorry for it not being colored (no time for now ;_;), properly scanned (my scaner is deeeead) or finished at all. But. Uh.
This is how I luv you and this fic! \(>_<)/
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-12 07:19 pm (UTC)Sho is so pretty I love his eyes and I love how Nino is turned to him, his cheeks all flushed and Sho's wings around them both and a;fjs;ljkdf;lkj LOVE. PURE LOVE.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-13 07:49 am (UTC)(read: very beautifully done)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-23 03:13 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-13 01:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-23 03:14 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-14 11:28 am (UTC)I love this AU so much. I don't cry in fics a lot, and this was just UGH, SO SPECIAL ♥ I want to keep this AU in my pocket and feed your Arashi rainbow cakes ♥♥♥♥♥ ;___;
(no subject)
Date: 2009-06-23 03:15 am (UTC)